pink weddings magazine » 81
Ask FondA
arriving at your ceremony in the A Team van with a
self adhesive mohican!
DEAR FONDA
, my partner isn’t anywhere near as
excited about our wedding as I am. How can I get
him to share my eagerness?
Get out of Hobby Craft and into Thomas Cook! A man
who shows little excitement for edible spray paint
that enables you to put gold sugared almonds on
every place setting is what we in the medical
profession like to call SANE!
People lose the plot when they’re planning a
wedding and get hysterical over something as simple
as table confetti, which always either sticks to the
butter and gives your guests lead poisoning, or
prevents you from putting a wine glass down without
risking it overbalancing. Stop sniffing the spray glue
and open your eyes – your partner is the normal one.
Enjoy his lack of enthusiasm and have a stress-free
reception at your local social club. Pork pies and
pineapple hedgehogs are very en vogue this season!
DEAR FONDA
, we got married 11 months ago, and
we still haven’t sent out thank-you cards! Is it a case
of ‘better late than never’, or would sending them
now be overkill?
OK mother, hint taken! I started writing them last
week! But when you’re as popular as I am, it takes
forever to write them all!
DEAR FONDA
, sit-down meal or hot buffet – help,
we can’t decide!
Well if you’re trying to avoid the necessity of seating,
you’re going to need to provide your guests with
sporks (the ingenious half spoon, half fork with a
serrated edge for cutting) to enable them to eat one
handed if you expect them to wander around with a
plate full of buffet.
But walking and eating gets messy. This could lead
to the added trauma of leaving you to stare at that
white crusty stain on your uncle’s trousers all night,
hoping it was just mayo from the coleslaw.
On second thoughts, go for the sit-down meal.
That way, people are far less likely to wander over to
you and engage you in conversation while spraying
vol-au-vent fillings in your general direction.
DEAR FONDA
, we’re having an outdoor ceremony,
and I’m starting to freak out that it will rain on our
big day. How can I get over it if the unpredictable
British weather ruins our best-laid plans?
A common concern in this country – which begs the
question, why did you book outdoors, you muppet?
You could style this one out by opting for a pool party
where everyone attends in their swimwear, very nice
for copping a glimpse at the non-gift-wrapped
packages some of your guests bring to the big day. Or
if you want to jazz it up further, you could have a
mermaid-themed event – although no one wants to
be stuck in a costume that inhibits you spreading your
legs on your wedding night... stick to plan A!
International cabaret legend Fonda Cox
is available for hire –
email
‘Everybody has their
weakness – for some
it’s crack cocaine,
whilst others would
simply do anything for
a chocolate Hobnob!’
FondA
