pink weddings magazine » 71
NoEl ANd STEpHAN
W
orking as Fonda in the gay bars, I
used to tirelessly research my
audience’s lifestyles so I could
connect with them through the
stories I’d tell in my stand-up
comedy. As a result, I’d spend my life
on gay ‘hook-up’ websites and apps. I was never looking for
love – to be honest I was a very happy single man. I almost
used to seek out the dodgy ones so that I’d get juicy stories
from lousy dates that I could recount for my audience’s
delight on stage. I met many interesting characters along the
way, and accidentally fell in to some bizarre scenes… and just
when life was getting ridiculous, along came Stephy.
I met Stephan online a couple
of years ago, and
complimented his profile,
but figured nothing would ever come of it because we lived
4,000 miles from each other. But two years later we
accidentally crossed paths again, and without any intention
of ever dating, we entered into dialogue – and there was
something very different about this man. His accounts of his
days would make me laugh and I’d wait with anticipation for
each new message to hear the next episode from the world
according to Stephan. A er three months’ dialogue I decided
to bite the bullet and use my staff discount from my job with
an airline crew to book a ticket for a weekend away in
Minneapolis, to go and meet this interesting guy. To a non-
flyer this would seem like a huge commitment, but to me it
was as easy as sodding off to Blackpool for a weekend in a
Travelodge (But hopefully, with nicer carpets!)
In the days leading up to our first meeting, he would ask
questions like ‘what if we don’t get on?’ I remember telling
him that should be the least of his worries. My main concern
was, ‘what if we like each other?’ – 4,000 miles is a long way
to go every time you’re feeling frisky! Eventually the day
rolled around and I arrived in Minneapolis on a very cold
January evening. Stephan had chosen to wear a woollen hat
knitted into the shape of a moose, complete with antlers
that flapped as he walked. As he tried to avoid slipping in the
snow he skipped in a fashion that I had only ever seen in the
opening credits of Fraggle Rock. It was clear to me this man
was not trying to impress me – and by doing so, he
impressed me very much!
Our first date was in a late
night diner where he sat
opposite me stroking my leg
under the table
whilst quizzing me about my life. He’d ask questions about my
work, and things just weren’t adding up in his head. He
couldn’t figure out how an international flight attendant was
also working on army bases in Germany and back street pubs
across the UK. I never tell a boy that I’m trying to impress
about my alter ego, as I figure cross-dressing is only an
aphrodisiac in very select circles. But as he pressed me for
more information to explain the gaps in my stories, I politely
told him that at the weekend I pop on women’s clothes and
sing to drunks for money! This fascinated him as he had always
