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8 » the Magazine
by the registrar for a minimum of 15 days and remains valid
for 12 months.
Why then, should you even consider using a
professional celebrant? Your wedding day will be one of
the most important days of your life. A public expression of
your commitment and love for each other, it is so much
more than simply a change in legal status. The social and
cultural acceptance of marriage, as opposed to a simple
contractually recognised union, is a major reason why
same-sex couples campaigned for so long for the right to
marry. The change in our law means that no longer can you
be told that ‘you’re not really married’. The discrimination
that existed which prevented same sex-couples from
marrying has ended.
*****
So doesn’t a simple civil marriage ceremony, albeit carried
out in a beautiful building by a caring and professional
registrar, satisfy our aspirations for the perfect wedding
day? Perhaps, but the beauty of using a celebrant is that
you can enjoy the excitement of your wedding day and
your commitment to each other in exactly the way that
you want to, using your chosen words – religious if you
want – your chosen symbols, and importantly, your chosen
location. The only restrictions that you will have will be
your imagination and your budget!
The ‘legal bit’ of your wedding can only take place in a
place licensed to hold marriages, or the register office itself.
But the ‘legal’ civil marriage ceremony in the register office
can be very short and simple, comprising the two sentences
that are required, and the witnessed signing of the marriage
register. Once this is completed you can then hold your
celebratory marriage ceremony with a trained celebrant
exactly where and how you like.
Now it is true that the civil ceremony can include
readings, songs and music, but there are strict guidelines –
they must not in any way be religious. For example, if you
want a friend to sing
Ave Maria
, that would not be allowed.
But it would be possible to hear the music alone! Couples
often tell me that they are not ‘religious’ but when we
discuss the ceremony, they often want to include passages
which are deemed by the law to be religious and therefore
would not be allowed in a civil ceremony. It is not possible to
use any religious words in the civil ceremony. You couldn’t, for
example, sing
Jerusalem
, even if you wanted to! You can
exchange rings in a civil ceremony, but be careful what you
say when you do. You couldn’t bless them, for example.
The choices of location for the civil ceremony are far
more varied than they were, with many hotels and civic
buildings now approved, but there are restrictions. The
premises must be regularly open to members of the
public, so private homes are unlikely to be approved.
Approval will not be given for open air venues, so moonlit
beaches, golf courses, or even gardens are not allowed.
Generally, the premises need to be permanent, built
structures, although it may be possible for approval to be
given to use a permanently moored, publicly open boat. If
you first conduct your civil ceremony at the register
office, you can then use a celebrant to conduct your
wedding ceremony wherever you like – on a beach, in a
meadow by a river, on a hilltop, in your own home, or why
not a villa on the Algarve?
Civil registrars perform a vital and unavoidable legal
function. We cannot be legally married in England and
Wales without them. However, there are many restrictions
that apply to civil marriage ceremonies. Using an
independent celebrant, that belongs to a fellowship of
professional celebrants, who has been professionally trained
and who is part of a significant countrywide and global
network is an option worth considering.
Christopher J D Lawrence is a member of the Fellowship
of Professional Celebrants and will be conducting some
example ceremonies at the Gay Wedding Show in Brighton
on 26 October. Contact Christopher at
cjdlawrence@gmail.com
8 » pink weddings magazine
Cover story
‘The social and cultural
acceptance of marriage, as
opposed to a simple
contractually recognised union,
is a major reason why same-
sex couples campaigned for so
long for the right to marry. The
change in our law means that
no longer can you be told that
“you’re not really married”. ’