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pink weddings magazine » 95
Ask FondA
whining and start figuring out how to train your dog
to carry the rings.
DEAR FONDA
, I want to do the walk down the aisle
on my own, but I’m scared my dad might be offended
when I tell him. How can I make him see my point?
If you’re having your wedding in a stately home or
hotel venue where the seating isn't in pews, you could
employ a load of extras to come to your wedding
necessitating extra seating and minimising the space
for an aisle. On the day just feign horror at the
situation when you realise years of pasties and pints
have taken their toll on your father’s hips, making it
impossible for him to pass through.
Alternatively, consider getting married on a budget
airline mid flight. I don't know if you’ve ever tried to
traverse one of their aisles clutching a straw donkey
and a sombrero but it’s no easy feat – and surely
narrower than you and your father.
DEAR FONDA
, I know a wedding is supposed to be a
team effort, but my fiancé has terrible taste and I
want our day to be a dignified affair. How do I get my
way without looking like a groomzilla?
Why not enter yourselves for a reality TV show where
the partner has to arrange everything without the
other partner’s knowledge. If you win, your
wedding’s paid for, if you lose, at least the pictures
will be to your taste.
DEAR FONDA
, is it tacky to send invitations to our
guests by email?
This is the modern electrical age – of course not!What’s
tacky is sending an OK! Magazine model disclosure
formwith each invite. Just make sure it is an email
you’re sending and not just a Grindr message, as that
wouldn't quite be acceptable. Just think, the money
you save on stationery, you can spend on vodka! It has
messy (but fun) reception written all over it.
DEAR FONDA
, my maid of honour just announced
she is pregnant and my wedding is in eight
months. I feel like she has stolen my thunder and
I’m scared she might go into labour on my big day.
What do I do?
Labour can be induced in so many ways, not just at
the sight of a large meringue of a dress or a peach
taffeta bridesmaid’s dress. Have you considered
incorporating bungee jumping into your hen
weekend? Or if that’s too drastic you could always
make her some duct tape knickers to wear during the
service to prevent her waters breaking mid vows.
Having a fat bridesmaid means you don’t have to
push as hard on you pre-wedding diet. Perfect solution.
International cabaret legend Fonda Cox is
available for hire – email enquiries@fondacox.com
‘Without a human best
man you have one
less suit to rent and
won't be upstaged by
a ridiculously hand-
some friend on your
big day. Stop whining
and start figuring out
how to train your dog
to carry the rings...’
FondA