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100 » pink weddings magazine
ReLATIonSHIPS
eveRything feels gReat
– you’re in the honeymoon
of your romantic life together. But take time to consider a few
action points early on to make sure you continue a successful,
happy, and fulfilling healthy relationship, well into the future.
let’s talk about it
: There are a number of ways you can
communicate your feelings – and your gripes too! Whether in
the bedroom or the kitchen, these simple ground rules will help
you to communicate what you want and, importantly, what you
don’t want.
• Find out if now is a good time to talk: don’t assume it is!
• Be appreciative and acknowledge something positive that
your partner has done.
• You can then move into talking about what you’re feeling
about a certain issue. Try to use ‘I’ statements, talk about
yourself without finger pointing.
• Suggest what you think might work better between you, or
ask your partner for something you need.
• Follow this up by listening to your partner when it’s their
turn. Be patient, try to listen and consider what they’ve
said before you respond.
This simple process avoids criticising and complaining, and the
chances are your communication will be heard and respected.
plan quality time togetheR
: Don’t assume it will just
happen. Pencil a date in your schedules, one evening a week and
make this a regular occurrence, not just a one-off! Date nights
are not just to bring back a spark; they are to keep the spark
Don’t leave your long-term happiness
to chance! A little groundwork now
will make sure your relationship goes
the distance, says
Pete McCormack
FUTURE PERFECT
burning at its brightest. It’s too easy to get into the habit of
getting on with things. Having a date night can make all the
difference in keeping the energy alive. Create something special.
Let your imagination run away with you. The key here is that
you’re having some quality, fun time together.
RemembeRing the past, dReaming of the futuRe
:
Keep the early memories alive of when you first met; create a
visual montage together of your first dates. Recall the good
times, how it felt. Then start planning what you want for your
future. You have to make it happen, and before you can do this,
you need to be clear that you are jointly agreed on what you
want to happen. As well as talking about it, create yourselves a
vision board – a pin-board of pictures of what you are aiming
for in the future. Place it somewhere you see every day. This is
a visual record of your hopes and dreams that you want to turn
into goals.
get on the gRatitude cycle
: Simple but often
overlooked. Say thank you, let your partner know they look
great the moment it crosses your mind. Tell them how
wonderful it is that they did ‘that small thing’, which they
probably took for granted. This helps you and your partner in
valuing each other, both unconsciously and consciously, which
in turn serves to build up a culture of appreciation. This of
course can boost you and your partner’s appreciation towards
each other and the relationship.
money matteRs
: It’s difficult at the best of times to deal
with money issues, let alone in a partnership. Be clear if you’re
having a joint account, or separate accounts. This can pre-empt
many future collisions. If you have separate savings accounts for
instance, then it’s clear where the money is going and on whom
it is spent. Be clear from the outset with a budget plan, what
you have coming in and going out. Identify your fixed costs and
work out what you have left. From there decide what amount
will go into the savings account and what you have left for
flexible spending – like spontaneous purchases!
pete mccormack is a rela onship coach at pace, an lgbt
charity in london, that offers a range of services for the lgbt
community, including rela onship coaching, workshops and
couples counselling. www.pacehealth.org.uk
Find out if now is a
good time to talk:
don’t assume it is!